I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
