So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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