Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this will be a night to untag.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize