And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize