Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
