and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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