Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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