he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We need to rekindle our bromance
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
