Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
