Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'

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(206): View more from Washington

..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.

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(802): View more from Vermont

If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.

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(614): View more from Ohio

at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I think his dick was bigger than his dog

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.

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