i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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