I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
