There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize