hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
