When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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