Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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