Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize