What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
