omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
