Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
