FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Operation Purity has been aborted
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
