O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize