Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize