Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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