just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
