Welp...herpes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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