Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
