mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
