sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
