I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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