And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
