Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
