Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
