I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
