It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
