ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
