Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize