Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
