it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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