It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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