after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
