Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
