My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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