I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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