Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
