Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
