I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
