Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
should my penis look like a turkey
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
