Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize