Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
