There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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