about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
