hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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