Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
