my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize