Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
