At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
