Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
