i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
