I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
