You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize