Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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