I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
