he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
