if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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