No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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