so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
