Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just invented taco cereal.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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