Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize