I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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