I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
