Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just pynch a tree in the face
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
