I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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