When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
