took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize