I have demons in me.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
