yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
