I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
