I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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