nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
