I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
