You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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