I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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