You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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