woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
