If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
